Chapter 2
I am now sitting in the back seat of an old Oldsmobile Delta 88. It is brown with brown interior. Why? Because I needed an old dingy car for Blacky to drive. The best one I could think of was this particular car. My grandmother had one. Her’s was white with blue interior. It was a tank. One day when I was 14 or so she was driving me around town back in Cypress, California. We turned right onto Ball road from Walker Street and her car door flew open. I yelled at her. “Grandma Your door is open ” She slapped me and told me not to yell at her. Then she seemed surprised to find that her door was open. “I wondered why it was so loud in here,” she said. After that she hit a couple of parked cars in the neighborhood and we deiced that granny shouldn’t drive anymore.
Anyway.
I’m in the back seat of Blacky’s car. He is driving. Seated next to him is his girl, Red. I tried to come up with some cool way that she got her name, like loving to go down on girls while they are on the rag or something. But that didn’t hold much water with me even though Snake will give that reason to Gilby a little bit later. It was really because when I think of a fucked up couple, I think of Krug and his girl from “Last House on the Left,” which is one of my favorite movies of all time. David Hess should have got a fucking Oscar for that.
Anyway.
The only light that comes in the car is from us driving under the street lights. They are not speaking to each other. At first, it was because I wanted to build the suspense at the beginning of this scene. But really it is because “Omaha” by Waylon Jennings is on the radio. I really like that song. So in their heads I told them to shut the fuck up.
We reach our destination. It is Café Westminster, on Westminster Boulevard where it meets the 405 freeway—in the same parking lot as the In and Out burger and the Motel 6. They walk out onto the patio because they smoke. It is more because I smoke and I want to hear what is going on. The patio is long and narrow. You can fit two tables across it but it goes back as far as the building. At the end of the patio sits Snake and Gilby. Snake just told Gilby how Red got her name as we walked up. I sit a couple of tables back just so I do not interfere.
Blacky throws a grocery bag down on the floor next to a chair which faces the exit, then sits. Now Blacky is an old school mother fucker. He is about 50. His body looks a lot younger, but his face seems as if it may have worn more years than that. Back in the old days, Blacky ran this town. He was the boss. But as everyone who worked for him started falling to the cops or to rival gangs Blacky realized that he was getting pretty lonely. The thing that did it though was when kids half his age started pushing him out. Now the town is run by Asian gangs. I wish I could tell you what nationality these gangs are, but I can’t. I am just some fucked up honkey. I don’t think it would add a lot to the story anyway.
Anyway.
As Blacky got older and his buddies went down, he got pushed out. He was reduced to just a plain old street thug. Most of his old partners are out of the can now but have deiced to try to go straight. One guy named Candy opened a bar where Blacky actually met Gilby. I was there too. I let Gilby wear my coat.
Anyway.
So now Blacky runs around with younger goons. They are all the same, old or young. It really doesn’t matter. Blacky put his feet up on the table and lit a cigar while I told you his little background story. They heckled the Mexican that came up to give them water. They ordered some coffee and then threw a toothpick at the waiter. They are still laughing right now. Red sat down on his lap. She puts her arms around Blacky’s neck and gives him a kiss on the cheek. She reaches down to rub his crotch on top of his tight faded black jeans. He likes it but pushes her off of him. She sits next to him.
Now Red is about 15 years younger than Blacky. She is an ex-hooker that Blacky picked up when he was trying his luck at pimping. She was such a conniving little bitch that they ultimately fell in love. She acts like a little kid most of the time and then a dirty whore for any time left over. The window next to her faces the inside of the restaurant. Red notices that there is a little kid sitting up on his knees looking out the window at her. She puts her face up to the window. A small sheet of glass separates the two. Red smiles and then sticks out her tongue and scares the shit out of the little kid. Really. The kid shit his pants. In a couple of minutes his mother will become aware of it and drag him by the arm to the bathroom clean him up and spank him. She will feel bad in a couple of years though when she finds out it is a medical problem that makes him shit his pants.
Anyway.
Gilby is looking at the menu right now. He hasn’t eaten anything all day. I made him do that so he would be really hungry right now. He is also wearing my old Evil Dead shirt. I let him wear it because I just seem to get fatter and fatter. It doesn’t look good on me anymore. When I wear it I feel like those old geeky motherfuckers at horror conventions who don’t look like they shower and still live at their mom’s even though they are in their late thirties. I can see the guy at the convention now. His stomach is hanging out of the bottom of his shirt. Fuck. I’m gonna get a salad instead of the tuna melt.
Gilby looks a lot like my friend Jeb. Tall and skinny with a beard and dreadlocks. He wears glasses too. Thin frame. Makes him look smart. Snake looks a lot like this guy I used to know that looked a lot like Davey Havok from AFI.
“So, Blacky, where is this fucking guy?” Snake blurts out.
Blacky looks pissed. “Hey, I told you he would be here. And second, don’t you fucking talk to me like you’re running shit around here, shit head. Cuz you ain’t,” says Blacky.
“Ya, shit head,” Red chimes in. “You ain’t running shit around here. This is Blacky’s show.” She turns to Blacky. “Tell’em, Honey.”
“I just fucking did you dumb bitch. Pay fucking attention.”
Snake laughs a bit under his breath as do I. But Gilby is still staring at the menu. He is getting very hungry.
“So are we gonna get any food or something?” says Gilby. “The tuna melts here are pretty damn good.”
I told him that.
Snake adds his two cents. “Ya, I could go for a sandwich.”
“No one is getting any sandwiches,” says Blacky.
“Why the fuck not?” Snake spits out.
Now the one thing that Blacky has never gotten used to is how the younger generation of thugs have no respect. Back in the old days if someone would have said that to Blacky he would’ve gutted the poor bastard where he stood. But times are hard. There are not that many goons who want to work with an old timer any more.
But Blacky put his finger out and pointed it at Snake. Blacky looked down his finger like he was aiming a gun right at Snakes head. And said, “Shut the fuck up.”
With all that build up you might have thought that Blacky would come up with something a bit better wouldn’t you? Me too. Blacky isn’t the most articulate guy in the world I guess.
“Ya, shut the fuck up! God!” says Red.
Then Blacky looks at her and paces his words. “Shut the fuck up!”
At this point they have managed to get the attention of everyone on the patio. Blacky notices this and throws his arms up. “Do you assholes need something? Mind your own fucking
business! ”
When Blacky said the word “assholes” he glanced past me. For that I am going to give him a vagina for a couple seconds. When it happens he will say “Fuckrocket ” so you know that it happened.
Everyone on the patio finally turns around and as this is happening Johnny walks up. Johnny is late. He is late due to the suggestion of an actor I know who thought Johnny should be late because he and his girlfriend got into a fight about him going out tonight. Johnny was stupid enough to tell his girlfriend where he was going and what he was doing. They yelled for a while but then he yelled at her some more because she used a Brillo pad on his new Teflon frying pan. She fucked it up. Johnny pulled her hair a bit and grinded his teeth when he called her a stupid bitch and a cunt. He should have known better than to do that. Her father used to say that to her while he was sodomizing her when she was twelve. She left and went to her mom’s house where her mother convinced her never to go back to him again.
Johnny looks exactly like my friend John. John has big blue bulging eyes coming out of his head. So does Johnny. John also weighs about 98 pounds soaking wet. So does Johnny. John has long black hair and stubble. So does Johnny, but Johnny’s stubble isn’t as long as John’s
Johnny and Snake make eye contact. So Snake puts his hand out to shake Johnny’s hand. As Johnny goes for it, Blacky stops them.
“No fucking names, alright?” Blacky says. “I don’t know this guy too well.”
This is a half truth and I will tell you more about that later. But there now is a cloud of silence.
Blacky eyeballs a chair for Johnny to sit in. Johnny takes the seat. He is now at the head of the table. Johnny is shaking a great deal. He is a little nervous, but he is shaking because he is an ex-tweaker. He has done so much speed during his life that he always has the shakes.
“You, my friend, are late,” Blacky says slowly.
“Ya. Sorry.”
“You look nervous. You cool?”
“Ya. I’m cool. Don’t sweat it.”
Blacky stares at him a little bit longer and then reaches down for his grocery bag. Inside of it are brown sandwich bags. He throws them on the table. Blacky then puts one in front of each of them.
“In front of you is a bag with a color written on it. Inside the bag is a ski mask that matches the color written on the bag. That color is your name. Got it? I don’t want anyone using their real names.”
They each look at their bags. Johnny’s bag says “Blue”. Gilby’s bag says “Green”. You probably already guessed what color Blacky and Red have. But Snake, Snake can’t find the color on his bag.
“My bag doesn’t say anything on it.”
“Because your mask,” Blacky whispers, “it’s brown.”
“What?”
“Because your mask. It’s brown.” Blacky gets agitated. “It’s a brown fucking lunch bag. It’s brown. It’s a brown fucking mask ”
“Oh!” Snake replies. “Shit, sorry.”
Snake laughs for what a dumb ass he is. Then Gilby pops off. “Just like in 'Reservoir Dogs.' Don’t you guys love that movie?
Gilby then starts to mimic Steve Bushemi from the movie. “I don’t want to be Mr. Pink. Why don’t you be Mr. Pink?”
This made Snake laugh even harder. “That’s right! Holy shit! Remember when that guy pulled out that fucking…”
Blacky cuts Snake off. Blacky is pissed. “Can you drama fags fucking pay attention?”
Gilby apologizes. “Sorry boss.”
“All right. Now let’s get down to business.” Blacky says, “FUCKROCKET!”
Blacky right now has a very odd look on his face. Snake and Red both think that Blacky has finally lost it. “Nothing. Never mind. I’m fine.”
Then Snake pushed Blacky a little too far. “So….I’m Mr. Brown?”
Blacky yells. “Fuck this! Fuck this stupid fucking shit! ”
Blacky takes all the bags from the table and throws them down on the ground. Blacky turns and looks at Red.
“You are no longer allowed to have any say on how we do things anymore. You got that?”
“What? I think it’s cute.”
“It’s gay.”
Blacky is not the most PC guy around. He’s old school.
Back home, my dog just pissed on the carpet. I should have taken him out.
Blacky breaks. “Alright. Gilby, Snake, this is Johnny. Hurry up and say your fucking ‘Hellos’ so we could get down to business.”
Everyone looks around and introduces each other. Johnny has already met Blacky and Red though.
Blacky looks Gilby in the eye. “Now Gilby. You’re sure, without a doubt, about our situation tonight.”
“Ya. The girl, her folks are gone on a fucking cruise somewhere. They ain’t coming home anytime soon. She said that one of her girlfriends will be staying with her off and on. Or for a while or some shit.”
Johnny interjects. “And you know this how?”
“She told me.”
“You know her?”
“Ya, I know her.”
“From where?”
“At this bar I go to. I was picking up on her, had some drinks, went back to her place, fucked the shit out of her…..”
Johnny stands up. “You’ve got to be kidding me. I’m putting my neck on the line because some drunk whore told you stories at a fucking bar? I’ve got to be out of my mind ”
Blacky grabs Johnny’s arm and pulls Johnny towards him. Blacky’s face is about the width of a cunny hair from Johnny’s. Blacky grits his teeth and whispers…. “Keep your fucking voice down you stupid piece of shit. Sit down and listen.” Blacky forces Johnny back into the chair.
“Little fucking emotional outbursts are absolutely unfuckingacceptable! You will cool it or I will fucking loose it. Are we understood?”
“Ya. We are.”
“Now, I would not be doing this job if I thought for a second that there was a chance of us getting fucked. I’ve been scoping the place. Gilby’s story checks out. Now someone pay for my coffee and get in the van you damn leeches.”
I forgot to have the waiter come out and bring them their coffee. So when Blacky was giving Johnny what for, I made the coffee appear on the table. I gave Blacky decaf and he didn’t even notice. Fucking douche bag.
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