This story I am about to tell you is true. As hard as it is to believe, it is! I wouldn't believe it either if it weren't for one, small, hard to forget fact – I was there! And, I was there because, it happened to me! Can you believe it?
So there I am or was. It was just a few moments since I had said to myself, "Self, we are going to hunt!". I looked up and down the thick fog covered cobblestone streets of this new world in which I was soon to be its master. I was feeling full of myself, like nothing could ever bring me down and that nothing could ever hurt me. That's when it happened!
"Splat!" said something as it hit me in the back of the head. I quickly turned to see what was this creature that said "Splat!" on the back of my head, and before I could, something said, "Splat again!" on my front. I looked down and saw that a broken egg was dripping down my chest. I also noticed that no one said "Splat!" at all. Oddly enough it was just the sound of the egg breaking upon my body. But I did hear words that came from a person right after I noticed this. Those words were loud and harsh. Those words were followed by laughter and then laughter upon the laughter. Those words were, "Take that faggot!"
"Take that faggot!" I thought to myself. "Did I hear them right?" I looked around to see if there were any faggots around me that might have dodged the barrage of hen abortions but I was standing…Alone! Could they have really thought that I was a faggot? Is that even possible? It only happened those two times when I was younger and I was sure that no one had ever found out about that. In fact, I killed those two just because the last thing I wanted was for anyone to find out that I went out buggering one night! Am I now walking through a village of mind readers and psychics?
"NO!" I cried out at the top of my lungs. They cannot know my thoughts! Those are mine and I have fought my whole life to keep them!
I saw the men who through the eggs they were already pretty far away. It would be impossible to catch them if I were a normal human. But thankfully, that is not something that I have ever been. Also I took note that my "Mana" was full so that I could use any one of my magic spells. Typically I try not to use it if I don't have to, or even if its only half full, but tonight, my blue bar ran all the way across the top!
I used my slow time spell!
Brilliant!
They were no match for me at this point. I caught up quite quickly. I grabbed the one whose mouth moved at the same time I heard the "Faggot!" by the scruff of his neck.
"Alright Mind Reader, you will now pay for invading thoughts that I wasn't thinking!"
"No!" the Mind Reader pleaded.
His psychic friends were slowly back peddling from a safe distance. Their mouth dropped in awe of my sheer power and brilliance. Obviously.
"You want to fuck with me?!?! Do you? You want to fuck with me, Mind Reader?!?!"
"What the hell are you talking about?"
"In just a few days time your people here will make me their Dark Lord!"
I looked over at the back peddlers and said "You there! Watch and live in fear of my mighty wrath!"
I bent down to the Mind Reader who was down on his knees at my feet. I opened my mouth and with my bottom front teeth, I sliced open his throat. Blood poured out with a great gush and came cascading down his torso and made a nice pool that encircled my feet.
I looked to the back peddlers once more and yelled, "Go now! Go now and tell all who see you to fear their new Master!"
They ran off.
I pulled a crazy straw out of my pocket that I must have gotten at a 7/11 before I ended up in the field and lost my short term memory, and I placed it into the open wound that I made in his neck and drank his sweet, sweet blood.
I asked myself, "Self? Am I now one of the Undead? Am I now a vampire?"
Then I replied, "Me, I don't know. It sure seems like we are heading in that direction now doesn't it?"
Then I said back to myself, "Self, it sure does."
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