The Room Mate - Chapter 1

The Room Mate

It has been almost 10 minutes since Dale and Ashley have walked through the door, poured their coffee, and not spoken. The only sounds that are echoing through this newly moved into apartment are that of children playing outside and of Dale slurping his coffee. It is quite annoying.

“So have you gotten any work lately?” Ashley says. She hasn’t looked at Dale since they have been in the room. She is just starring absently, at the coffee table.

The two sit on the black leather sofa that Dale got at Big Lots for only $299! Can you believe it?

Ashley has her legs crossed. She really looks a lot like Camille Keaton from I Spit on Your Grave by Meir Zarchy. I guess I like that movie. It tends to come up a lot. But let’s get back to Dale’s answer to Ashley’s most nerve wrecking question.

After a really long pause, Dale says “No.” Dale hasn’t looked at Ashley either. But he is sitting on the edge of the couch looking intently at nothing while he drinks his coffee with the drive of a mad man, hell bent on world domination.

Silence.

Ashley breaks it. “Have you been trying?”

“Yes.” Dale thinks his answer over a bit. “No. Every time I get on the computer to write something, I find that it’s all fucked up from Harry looking at porn or something, so I have to defrag it and clean it and fix it!” Dale takes a nice breath, a sip of coffee, and then sighs. “I just wish he would get his own computer.”

To give Harry a little bit of credit here, it’s not just porn that he is looking at. He does indeed look at a lot of porn on the internet, but what is really fucking the computer up is the fact that Harry is extremely competitive. So every time that Harry goes to log on to myspace, there is some stupid little flash game like, “Be the first to shave Brittney’s head!” or “Slap Bush” or some other stupid race. Whenever you do anything like that, your computer gets riddled with all kinds of spyware and bullshit that make your computer runs like a frozen tortoise.

Dale gets up and walks towards the kitchen. He doesn’t say excuse me when he walks past Ashley. Nor does Ashley try to move at all to get out of his way. It’s all very clumsy looking I think. As Dale walks by he asks, “You want some coffee?”

“No.” Ashley never raises her voice. She is very soothing when she speaks. Dale is having a very hard time right now because he wants to get defensive. Ashley continues, “I told you that you and Harry wouldn’t get along as well together once you moved in with him.”

Dale doesn’t respond.

“Have you unpacked yet?” This is a slightly stupid question considering that there are boxes lined up around the walls of the living room.

Dale walks back into the living room with his fresh cup of coffee. Again, the two do not acknowledge each other on the pass.

“No.” Dale answers. “Almost. I have just been coming in here and sitting in front of that computer and, not writing. I don’t write. It drives me crazy.”

“My dad told you that he would let you put a story in his magazine. He is willing to pay you.” Ashley’s voice hit the next octave on that last line. Her anger is starting to show. But now she is calm again. “You don’t want to get kicked out of your new place without even paying a months rent, do you?”

“No. It’s not that. I just can’t fucking work here! It’s too noisy with all of those fucking kids running around outside until the middle of the night. And then there’s Harry who all night long makes all of these weird ass noises and shit and it throws me off. I put on my headphones to drown him out and the mother fucker comes out here, dripping with sweat, with an empty bottle of Crown and trashes around out here! I can’t sleep, I can’t think…”

Ashley interrupts, “Maybe you should lay off the coffee.”

Just then, the front door flies open. It’s Harry, looking super fucking GQ even though he is stumbling drunk. He barely holds himself up as he comes through the door with a new lady friend who looks just as fucked up as he does.

Ashley doesn’t break her stare from the coffee table. “Hi, Harry.”

Harry and his lady friend don’t really stop walking as they enter. Harry tries to be polite anyway. “Hey, this is Darla. Darla, this is my room mate Dale and his girl Ashley. Now lets get to the Stabbin’ Cabin!”

Harry keeps walking towards the hallway and is dragging Darla by the hand. Darla on the other hand, is trying a little harder to be polite. Darla says, “What a pig. I am sorry guys. It was really nice to meet you.” And with that, Harry successfully pulled Darla into the Stabbin’ Cabin.

Dale lays his head back on the couch and places his hands over his eyes. “I’m loosing my fucking mind.”