HE

well, we shot the meat and potatoes of HE this weekend. we had a great cast!!! Ariauna Albright, Matt Turek, Malina Germanova, Sean Cain, Jordon Lawson, Ron Hooker, Destiny Rodreguiez, Brain Coyne, Paul Hough, Julie Rose and the awesome Dora Devain!!! So cool. Gary Griffith awesome on the shooting and sounding (that's what she said!) and couldn't have done it without Aine Leicht. you rock. most of all though, i want to let my family know how much they mean to me and that i am sorry that i fucked your weekend up to make this flick. i love you all and i really love my babygirl, Nikki. your sexy and you rock. thank you.

True Horror Story Chapter 6 - The Birthday Virgin

Chapter 6 – The Birthday Virgin
This story I am about to tell you is true. As hard as it is to believe, it is! I wouldn't believe it either if it weren't for one, small, hard to forget fact – I was there! And, I was there because, it happened to me! Can you believe it?

So, all the fuck I want to do is try to find a way into my new home when I am stopped yet the fuck again. I was walking closer to the house – my house. When a very attractive blonde stops me with a question: “Hey, do you know where I can score some grass, man?”

“Are you serious?” I asked.

“Sure am.”

Now this chick was very beautiful. And I don’t mean she was dressed like a hooker either. This chick had some class it seemed – even though she just asked me if I knew where to by some grass! That is so 1972!

“I’m Marilyn.”

“Of course you are.”

“Well, if you don’t know where to get any grass, can I piss myself for you? Its my birthday and I’ve been drinking.”

“You want to piss yourself? Urinate?”

“Please. Just tell me.”

“Ok. Piss your pants.”

This was stupid to say because she had on a rather pretty dress. It was tightly hemmed right at her waist and then kinda “poofed” out and came down right under her knees. But as sure as I had an erection, yellowish liquid trickled down her inner thigh and dripped off the rounded side of her knees, and dropped in little melancholy droplets into a puddle between her feet and sent piss flavored shrapnel all over her cute, white, knee high stockings.

It just kept coming. Her face was so shocked it seemed. It looked like she enjoyed this but was trying to act like it was wrong or she didn’t understand how to enjoy her experience.

“So…urine, huh?”

“Are you going to rape me or what?”

“Excuse me?”

“Don’t I turn you on?”

“Well, yes. You’re kinda weird.”

“Then rape me.”

“You do know that rape is against one’s will, right?”

“Of course I do. And I promise to put up a fight once you try to put it in me. I just really like that feeling, you know?”

“Not really.”

“Having a big man hold you down and taking all the control away from you.”

“How old are you?”

“19.”

“Prove it.”

She reached in her bag and pulled out the strange form of ID that they use in this weird place. Oh my god! What are the chances!

“Very nice. Do you still live at the address shown here?”

“Yes. 1313 Mockingbird lane.”

“Are you alone there?”

“No I live there with my Aunt and Uncle and my cousin and his grandpa. Those two are on a trip somewhere though. I haven’t seen them in weeks.”

“I see.”

“So are we gonna do this or what?”

“What is your rush?”

“Its my birthday, I’m drunk, I’m high. I’ve been raped in the mouth and in the ass and now I want to finally get raped in the front.”

“How’s this. We just go ahead and fuck like normal and I slap you around a little and maybe punch you in the teeth and fuck up that pretty smile of yours?”

“Deal!” She said, full of birthday excitement.

I took her on the ground right there. I rather liked her. She started to look deep into my eyes and they got all watery when it looked like I might go soft on my end of the bargain (no pun intended). So right before I ejaculated, I punched her right in the mouth as hard as I could. I felt her front teeth fall into her mouth. Blood shot out of her nostrils and hit me in the face.

Behind the blood and broken teeth, I could see a smile. She was happy.

I kissed her on the forehead.

I shot her in the forehead.

With a gun.

I stuck my finger in the hole it made in her forehead while I finished pumping her virgin fun box.

Then I said to myself, “Self? What the fuck are we doing?”

Then I replied. “You are feeling sorry for this girl. I am glowing because I just came.”

“Is that OK to feel that way?” I asked.

“Why are you making this weird! This is what she asked us for! She lives at the house that we think is ours, and you were gonna kill them anyway! What is the big fucking deal?”

Then I said to myself, “Self? If I sucked all my cum out of her, do you think I would feel better?”

“Me, I think you might.”

We smiled at each other. Then I looked down at Marilyn. She still had that smile but was lifeless. I got on my knees and grabbed her from the back of her legs. I placed her knees on both sides of her head then made an airtight seal with my mouth around her labia. I sucked really hard but didn’t seem to be getting very far, so I just laid down on my back and held her vagina over my mouth until it shit out my seed into my mouth.

Her vaginal juices made it taste a little sweeter, but I still eat too much red meat.
Then I said to myself, “Self? You need to drink more pineapple juice.”

Then I replied, “Agreed.”

We laughed.

Then myself said to me. “Now go dump this bitch in the murky water so we can take our house back!”

True Horror Story Chapter 5: Take That Faggot!

This story I am about to tell you is true. As hard as it is to believe, it is! I wouldn't believe it either if it weren't for one, small, hard to forget fact – I was there! And, I was there because, it happened to me! Can you believe it?

So there I am or was. It was just a few moments since I had said to myself, "Self, we are going to hunt!". I looked up and down the thick fog covered cobblestone streets of this new world in which I was soon to be its master. I was feeling full of myself, like nothing could ever bring me down and that nothing could ever hurt me. That's when it happened!

"Splat!" said something as it hit me in the back of the head. I quickly turned to see what was this creature that said "Splat!" on the back of my head, and before I could, something said, "Splat again!" on my front. I looked down and saw that a broken egg was dripping down my chest. I also noticed that no one said "Splat!" at all. Oddly enough it was just the sound of the egg breaking upon my body. But I did hear words that came from a person right after I noticed this. Those words were loud and harsh. Those words were followed by laughter and then laughter upon the laughter. Those words were, "Take that faggot!"

"Take that faggot!" I thought to myself. "Did I hear them right?" I looked around to see if there were any faggots around me that might have dodged the barrage of hen abortions but I was standing…Alone! Could they have really thought that I was a faggot? Is that even possible? It only happened those two times when I was younger and I was sure that no one had ever found out about that. In fact, I killed those two just because the last thing I wanted was for anyone to find out that I went out buggering one night! Am I now walking through a village of mind readers and psychics?

"NO!" I cried out at the top of my lungs. They cannot know my thoughts! Those are mine and I have fought my whole life to keep them!

I saw the men who through the eggs they were already pretty far away. It would be impossible to catch them if I were a normal human. But thankfully, that is not something that I have ever been. Also I took note that my "Mana" was full so that I could use any one of my magic spells. Typically I try not to use it if I don't have to, or even if its only half full, but tonight, my blue bar ran all the way across the top!

I used my slow time spell!

Brilliant!

They were no match for me at this point. I caught up quite quickly. I grabbed the one whose mouth moved at the same time I heard the "Faggot!" by the scruff of his neck.

"Alright Mind Reader, you will now pay for invading thoughts that I wasn't thinking!"

"No!" the Mind Reader pleaded.

His psychic friends were slowly back peddling from a safe distance. Their mouth dropped in awe of my sheer power and brilliance. Obviously.

"You want to fuck with me?!?! Do you? You want to fuck with me, Mind Reader?!?!"

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"In just a few days time your people here will make me their Dark Lord!"

I looked over at the back peddlers and said "You there! Watch and live in fear of my mighty wrath!"

I bent down to the Mind Reader who was down on his knees at my feet. I opened my mouth and with my bottom front teeth, I sliced open his throat. Blood poured out with a great gush and came cascading down his torso and made a nice pool that encircled my feet.

I looked to the back peddlers once more and yelled, "Go now! Go now and tell all who see you to fear their new Master!"

They ran off.

I pulled a crazy straw out of my pocket that I must have gotten at a 7/11 before I ended up in the field and lost my short term memory, and I placed it into the open wound that I made in his neck and drank his sweet, sweet blood.

I asked myself, "Self? Am I now one of the Undead? Am I now a vampire?"

Then I replied, "Me, I don't know. It sure seems like we are heading in that direction now doesn't it?"

Then I said back to myself, "Self, it sure does."

Now I think it's time to make my way into my new home at 1313 Mockingbird Lane!

True Horror Story Cahpter 4 - The Bela Lugosi Look-A-Likerue Horror Story

This story i am about to tell you is true. As hard as it is to believe, it is! I wouldn't believe it either if it weren't for one, small, hard to forget fact – I was there! And, I was there because, it happened to me! Can you believe it?

So there i was. i was trying to find a way into this beautiful house that i would now stake a claim in. the gates were large and they were locked. i was about to grow wings or a jet pack but thought against it at the last minute because wings might hurt coming out and i don't want to increase my carbon footprint with the jet pack. So i began to walk around as much of the estate as i could, and that's when i saw him.

a man was at the opposite side of the road as i was. The fog had rolled in thicker in last few minutes so seeing him clearly was kinda hard. it seems that he had on a top hat and long overcoat. He was very European Gothic looking. more so when it seemed that someone was shining a light right across his eyes so that i could see him glaring at me. He looked evil,kinda like an old Bela Lugosi movie. I played possum so that he would either think i were dead or just think i was a part of the gate that i was leaning up against. but then i thought, "What if he is like predator and an see my heat signatures and shit? what would i do then?" So i kept still and thought of very, very cold things. That fooled him!

He slowly turned to his left and looked down the street. There was a peasant man - old, with long grey wiry hair and beard rummaging through a trash can. His bloated belly hung out of the bottom of his dirty long sleeved thermal shirt. The Bela Lugosi look-a-like headed towards him with his "claws" out so quickly and quietly, it was like he glided towards him. The old man let out just a small yelp before succumbing to the will of the Bela Lugosi Look-a-Like. I slowly crept towards the scene of the crime, while he was still feeding. I crept so quietly i was proud of myself. I said to myself, "Self, we are creeping so quietly that i am proud of us!" Then Myself replied, "Me too, Me. Me too." What followed though, completely caught me off guard. I thought i had been so careful! The Bela Lugosi Look-A-Like, turn his head up and looked at me. Then he spoke.

"Good day."
"Good day to you." I said.
"Have you ever had blood?"
"Why no sir, not that i can think of. Not by itself at least."
"That's a pity. The blood in these parts are quite good. Of a good stock, you understand?"
"Yes, i think so."
"Well, you either do or you don't young man. Which is it?"
"I do. I understand that the blood in these parts are quite good. Of a good stock. I understand."
"That's lovely. Would you like to try some?"
"Well i suppose just a swallow wouldn't hurt terribly."
"You or him?"
We both broke into laughter
"You must though," he said, "drink the whole thing."
"really?"
"Oh, yes. we mustn't have any left over."
"Should i just have some of yours then?"
"What do you think this is? America? Just because your lazy duff can't find a peasant to drink doesn't mean i am going to give you half of mine!"
We both broke into laughter again. Then he spoke seriously again.
"All you have to do is find what you want and then take it!"
"Really?"
"Definitely."
"Good evening then kind sir and thank you so much for the advise."
"Never mention it. Be seeing you."

I walked away from the Bela Lugosi look alike, wondering if it was really him after all. I looked back and saw that he was still hunched over his victim. i began to get hungry. I was also very horny, but thought i should eat first. i hate to fuck on an empty stomach, and, i don't masturbate in places that i do not own. So, enter - the hunt!

True Horror Story Chapter 3 - The Dead Cat

This story i am about to tell you is true. As hard as it is to believe, it is! I wouldn't believe it either if it weren't for one, small, hard to forget fact – I was there! And, I was there because, it happened to me! Can you believe it?

So there I was, I had fallen out of the door and plopped down onto the dirt like an anal baby from a gay couple that was allowed to be married after they stopped Prop 8 and we allowed to be married and make babies. It was beautiful! I looked all around me, wiping myself clean of all the anal leakage that had clung to my misshapen body as I fell through the door, and looked out upon the town – no, village, that I had stumbled upon, complete with cobblestone roads that winded up and down dark streets that were lit with old oil filled street lights that lit all of the dark, dreary ones that scuttle around to and fro to their perspective holes in the walls. The village was black and white and if you could have black and white in color! Do you understand what I am saying? Black and white – in color! Of course you don't. sucks.

So anyhow, there was all sorts of eye candy that was overloading my senses! I saw a man who was sitting on the road who had an enormous belly. The man had no shirt on and in his hand, he held a broken bottle. The man was slicing his naked, hairy tummy with this broken bottle and then continued to "spoon feed" himself the blood and very small pieces of flesh that hung to the glass. Every time the man would swallow, he would say, "Well, thank you sir." And then with his free hand, would shake all of his middle girth and say back to himself in a very deep, but friendly, voice, "Don't mention it old chap. All in a day's work."

How freaking strange I thought. I couldn't believe how polite the two were!

Then I saw a woman lying on the sidewalk, trying to fuck herself with a dead cat. I thought this was most peculiar. The woman had on a dirty blouse and a dirty overcoat and a dirty wool cap with a big dirty blue ball on its top but no pants. The woman didn't even have on any damn knickers. She had on some dirty white stocking that were quitters (meaning that all the elastic had stretched out and now they hang all droopy half way down her shin) but no panties. She was trying to shove this dead, stiffened cat, head first, up inside of her vagina. The woman would say, "Here pussy, pussy, pussy. Here pussy, pussy, pussy." And then she would get very upset and yell, "Get into my fucking box you stupid dead cat!" and she would really try to slam that thing in there. I could tell it was probably hurting her more than the dead cat. Mostly because the cat was dead. I noticed that the stains on her socks might not be dirt and might just be shit. But I didn't want to get down there with my face that close. Not that I didn't want to smell her shitty socks, but more so that she wouldn't try to shove my head deep down inside of her vagina. I wasn't sure if a dead cat could still have fleas. I hate fleas so fucking much I don't even know where to begin.

At that point I said to myself, "Self, that was some strange shit now wasn't?"

I answered back quite promptly. "Indeed. That was some strange shit there Me."

I walked further down the road and saw how all of the people here in this town, were either these sexually fucked peasants, or these cookie-cutter, 3 piece suit, business men that came complete with their hats and glasses, all Clark Kent style. They all seemed to be in a hurry and didn't have much time for me at all so it seemed.

I continued up this road and there at the end of the road, I saw a house that I have only seen in my dreams an old creepy haunted house with a big iron gate and dead overgrown growth. When I looked up, lighting struck and I gave out a loud sinister laugh and decided that this would be my new home. 1313 Mockingbird Lane! Hahahahahahahahah! I hope the Munster's have moved out.

TRUE HORROR STORY CHAPTERS 1 AND 2 - The Sticks / Attack of the Bovine

the true horror story! This story i am about to tell you is true. As hard as it is to believe, it is! I wouldn't believe it either if it weren't for one, small, hard to forget fact – I was there! And, I was there because, it happened to me! Can you believe it? I wasn't sure how I got there, and I wasn't sure where there was. I knew for certain that I was standing in a field – a farm land type of place. The type that has barns and corn fields and shit. Anyway. I woke up and started to look around. Next thing I know, I am in a pretty sweet pair of overalls. I looked behind me and there I saw an old tore up looking drive-in theater screen. It was very cold outside, the sun must have just rose. I started walking towards the sign and I saw that there was a door way leading in to a type of shed behind the screen. I entered. It looked as though the place hadn't been entered in years, well at least not by people. There was bird shit everywhere! I noticed something moving outside though through one of the many cracks and holes in the wood. There was a woman laying in the field. She sat up and looked like she didn't know what was going on either. She began to call a man's name. I didn't recognize it so I didn't think that she was calling out to me. She was extremely beautiful. She was heading right for the screen. The voyeur in me stayed and watched her walking around in confusion. I bumped something with my foot. I looked down to see what it was and I found a plastic bag. I reached down and picked it up. Inside the bag, looking right back up at me, was a severed head. It must have been slightly fresh, there was still blood filling up in the bag. I figured that this is probably who the woman was looking for. I thought I would she if she wanted it. I step out of the other side of the shed and kinda snuck up on her I guess. I wasn't trying to startle her or anything, I was just being creepy for fun I guess. She looked inside the shed and decided that she didn't want to go inside. She took a step back and turned and ran right into my chest. She screamed and I lit a cigarette. I tried to tell her that she didn't have to scream and that she should calm down. She finally did. She told me that her and her boyfriend were driving last night and that their car broke down. Her boyfriend went of to get help and the next thing she could remember was waking up here in the field under the drive-in screen. Since I can't seem to remember anything from before me waking up in the field either, I asked if I was her boyfriend. This question seemed to both confuse her and make her a teeny bit anxious. I figured if I wasn't her boyfriend that the head in the bag belonged to him. I showed her the bag. She wouldn't touch it. But, she did glance in. she screamed. I thought that this would be a good time to kinda ask her out I my own little way, or at least start the flirting. "I'll trade you this head for let's say your panties. Deal? Do we have an accord?" She started to run. I know! I couldn't believe it either. Suddenly the bag in my hand was a very large sledgehammer. I figured it was for smashing so when the woman tripped over her enormously large feet, I brought the sledge down on the side3 of her skull. She was much more pleasant to be around when she wasn't yelling and screaming about shit that I didn't understand. I looked in the shed and found an old dirty blanket. I grabbed it down. There were quite a few black widows on it so I got rid of those pesky critters and was walking back towards my little silent sunshine when I saw an apple tree right on the other side of this small wooden fence that broke up the land between this drive-in and that farm. This was the first time that I noticed all the bovine that was starring me down. It was a little creepy because of quiet and cold the morning was, and also because I had no idea who or where I was. In fact, this could be my farm and this could be my cattle which makes those fucking apples, MINE! I hoped the fence and grabbed myself an apple. This disturbed my cattle. They started making a lot more noise then they were when I was on the other side of the fence. So maybe they aren't mine. My God, maybe I'm stealing someones apples! Or, they might not like me because I'm the one that sends them to slaughter? I'll go with that one. It makes me feel a little less guilt. I laid out the blanket. I thought that me and my new friend could have a picnic. I know it is just apples, but apples are good, right? I snuggled up next to her, spooning her while I ate my very delicious apple. I tried to offer her some but it seems that the lazy bitch already went back to sleep. I'm sitting here thinking to myself, "Damn bitch! Your lazy ass just woke up not more than a half hour ago and your ass is asleep again." No matter, I had fun making funny faces at her that she couldn't see. I thought that it was about time to take her back to what I hoped was my house up on the farm over there, get cleaned up and get down to fornicating with my new friend here. When I got up, her eyes opened, and she tried to crawl away. I hit her in the back with the sledge. She pretty much stopped at that point. I picked her up and put her down on the center of the blanket. I wrapped both sides around her, lit a cigarette and began to drag her through the field toward the house on the hill. I kinda scraped her face3 on the bottom of the small wooden fence I walked over it and pulled the blanket through the bottom. I thought for sure she would clear it. My bad. The bovine! They were intense. They were screaming in their moo talk like none other. And they were hopping and running. I did not know that cattle hopped. Did you know that? We made it to the house. It seemed empty. I hollered out for anyone, no one popped their head out, so I proceeded into my home. I think I broke the woman's back. When I sat her up it cracked really loud and screamed. Then when I let go of her, she dropped to the floor like a sack of dead hookers in a duffel bag. No, I'm just kidding, I've never put dead hookers in a duffel bag. I grabbed her from under her arms and lifted her up onto the table in the dining room. That's when I saw that she couldn't move her legs. SCORE! Anyhow. I got out the duct tape that I always carry in my back pocket and taped the upper half of her body to the table. I ripped off the cloths that she had on, or what was left of them (there wasn't really that much there to begin with). She screamed again. She said, "Please don't. Please don't. Don't hurt me anymore." I said "OK." "I'll let you have your way with me," she said, "as long as you don't kill me. I don't want to die." "OK" I said, "sounds fair. But I tell ya, I can't fuck on an empty stomach. I'm gonna need to eat something first." So, I put on my lobster eating bib, got out my fork and knife and then I heard her scream. "what now?" I said. "Don't hurt me, please." "Hurting ya? Hell, I'm eating ya out! I heard you ladies loved that!" I slammed my fork right down in her vagina and cut out a big juicy chunk and took a bite. "A couple more bites like that one, and I'll be ready to do all the fucking you want sugar pants!" true horror story chapter 2 This story i am about to tell you is true. As hard as it is to believe, it is! I wouldn't believe it either if it weren't for one, small, hard to forget fact – I was there! And, I was there because, it happened to me! Can you believe it? After i was done with my lunch, i thought that i should look around my farm. i know you are wondering if i got to the fuckin' or not but i will let you use your imagination. i had a lot of land it looked like. i was very impressed with myself. i said to myself, "Self, i am very impressed with us." I agreed. The bovine had to be up to no good. they were giving my and myself the evil eye. i walked over a small hill and saw a small dilapidated shack. this is when i said to myself, "Self, you really should take care of your shit." I agreed. Once i got inside the little shack, i noticed that i wasn't singing to myself the last five minutes as i have been walking around like i once thought. but, i was singing on the radio! "Wow!" i thought, "that's weird." Then i saw that there was a giant poster of my head above the radio. "Wow!" i thought, "that's weird." but all my worries went away when i saw that there was a bottle of scotch, a pack of smokes and a porno magazine on the floor next to me. I took a sip of the scotch, lit a smoke, and peeked at the porno and thought i should save it for later and rolled it up and put it in my back pocket. I exited the shack and started walking back to my house when i saw this old farmer with a shotgun running towards me. he yelled, loud! "Hello Mr. Farmer Man." i said, "get the fuck off my property." "Your property? are you crazy or something? You have til the count of three before i blow you full of buckshot ya queer!" "Wow!" i thought, "that's weird." The cattle and now horses that i don't recall being around were now starting to circle me. i was out numbered. "One!" uhhhh. "Two!" Shit fuck shit fuck "Three!" He let a shot off and i cringed. i looked down to see that he missed me all together. Right when i was about to laugh at him for being a horrible shot, something ZAPPED passed my head. not a bullet, but a LASER! I looked around to see where this could be coming from and then i saw the strangest thing, lasers were being fired out of the head and asses of the horses and the cattle! No shit! "Wow!" i thought, "that's weird." ZAP! One hit me alright. Right in my front butt! Right in the crotch. i looked down and saw that the plumbing seemed to be OK, it just made a huge hole in my pants. And then something even stranger happened, stranger than the cattle and horses shooting laser beams out of the heads and asses, my penis grew to ten times the size! My urethra opened up to a diameter of about 4 1/2 to five inches across. My balls swelled like they never have before. this wasn't just an ordinary erection, my hard on was that of steel! "Wow!" i thought, "that's weird." I looked one of the horses dead in the eye and an uncontrollable urge forced a huge glob of semen filled lead right through the skull of the horse, exploding its head like a puppy in a microwave! The bovine were pissed now. I was greatly outnumbered like i said prior but with my awesome penis and move that would make a ninja cry into his ninja star shaped pillow, I shot loads out and decimated the threat of angry beef and glue. The farmer was nowhere to be found. i walked around the now quiet field trying to figure out how i could ever get my penis back to its normal size and shape of 1" x 2" x 1" (it is much more manageable that way), i stumbled upon a door. A door that just stood here in the middle of nowhere. i opened the door and walked inside. i was no longer at the farm. it was dark. the door slammed behind me.

Flowers for Nikki and the Untimely Death of Spade 13

These are out now so go and gett'em damnit! they are awesome. i said so. xoxoxoxo




Volume 9: Flowers for Nikki CD
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Volume 4: The Untimely Death of Spade 13
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